Thursday, February 18, 2010

In Flux


So, feeling a bit adrift with the blogging thing. I'm sure I'll find a way to paddle myself through it, and figure out how to make it work in a way that feels authentic to me, but for now, I'm in flux.

Most of my life is in flux. I'm waiting for this house to happen, and trying to battle the fears that this whole short sale thing won't go through, and we'll lose this house that I feel belongs to me already. I'm updating my vision board tomorrow to reflect the whole Law of Attraction concept that tells me to see it as if it's already mine, focus on the what and let the Universe supply the how, because if there's ever a situation that requires that, it's waiting for a short sale. There's absolutely not a single thing I can do, no one I can call, no one I can sleep with, no favors I can cash in to make this move faster or bring it to fruition. I just have to wait, and believe.

Meanwhile, it's very hard to sleep at the Vacation House on the Lake. This house misses its real family, I think.

The show is coming along, and is about to hit its crescendo with Super Sunday this weeeknd. It'll be a week of madness and expectation, and then'll be done, like the rest of them. The difference with this one, though, is that it matters to me, personally. I generally reach the point during production week where I surrender to the process and recognize that it will be what it will be, and no matter what, the kids experience is really the only thing that matters. I think I will get there with this one, but the problem is that I also want it to be good. I care if the quality is there, because it's mine. Yes, it's their's too, but still...

So, there's that.

This afternoon I'm going to sign up for a family membership at our town's athletic club, so Patrick and I can get in shape and so the girls can take swimming lessons. I am going to try very hard to reframe my feelings about exercise from yet another thing I have to do - and fail to do adequately - to something that I can look forward to, as a way to focus on me instead of serving everyone else in my life. Writing is the only other way I do that, and...well, I'm having trouble there right now so hopefully this is something that will fill that void.

Thanks for bearing with me as I figure out what's next in my writing life, and in my life in general.

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