Kodachrome

I’ve been asked to blog.

Actually, twice today I was asked, by two different people. I wonder, sometimes, why anyone reads this. Is it because they actually already love me to some extent, and want to hear my little stories because I don’t have time to call them on the telephone, or is it because someone enjoys how I put things, or how I spend my days as a mother/teacher/writer/wife (but not necessarily in that order)? Or is it because they know that they are hearing a voice struggling to emerge after a long, long climb? I don’t know. But whatever the reason, if that someone is you, thanks for visiting me.

Someone wise, one of the wisest, recently speculated that I probably am using this particular life journey to make up for some past-life where I was unable to speak out. My goal this time ‘round is to find my voice, to stand up loud for who I am and what I think. I am inclined to agree, and embracing that knowledge has infused a new energy in my life that is propelling me forward. It’s quite a recent development, a long time in the making.

I am not who I was one year ago. I am not who I was six months ago, or four months ago. I am all of the sudden someone new, a person I have been working toward.

I don’t know how I’ll be in the world yet. I know that I can finally say that there are things I know for certain. There are friends I know for certain. There are goals I have for certain and their inevitability is iron-clad. And I knew it all along, so I can trust the realization now. I have the perspective as I near 40 that I really, really hoped I’d have. Not rose-colored, not sepia-tinted, but maybe a tiny bit Kodachrome. You know that color of the 1960’s Disney Live-Action movies, like Summer Magic and That Darn Cat? Like that.

I am celebrating my 40th birthday by going on a vacation with a group of my women friends. And there will be some drama, and some ruffled feelings, but mostly, there will be connection, and a real celebration of where we’ve been, and where we’re going. That is precisely how I want to spend my 40th birthday.

My new house is part of this, I know. I am Envisioning with all of the passionate energy my spirit can muster. And, if I may be so bold, that is a significant amount. It’s time for that phone call, the one where they say, “It’s yours. It’s time. Welcome Home.” It’s time.